A very somber and contemplative X Files story
by Funny Hat US
Summary: This is a very somber, contemplative X Files story. You must not smile while reading it, or even think about smiling. Laughing is also frowned upon, and will not be tolerated.


Very Serious X-Files Scene, 1  
  
[Enter Mulder, Mulder's Boss]  
  
Boss: Mulder, I have a new assignment for you, no longer will you work on the X-Files.  
  
Mulder: I knew it! You were involved in the conspiracy all along!  
  
Boss: No, that isn't the reason you're being moved over.  
  
Mulder: Oh? You can't hide the truth from me! The Truth is Out There! I know it! I know because it says so during the credits of this program almost every week!  
  
Boss: Mulder, the show has been cancelled.  
  
Mulder: Aha! See! I told you it was a conspiracy! You can't stop me! I'm going all the way to Congress to reconcile this situation, and if that doesn't work, I'm going straight to the President of the United States! (I know him, you know.) And if that doesn't work, why I'll call the director of programming for the Fox Network!  
  
Boss: Are you done?  
  
Mulder: Yes. So what's the new assignment?  
  
Boss: It's similar to your previous assignment.  
  
Mulder: Oh? Another X- Files?  
  
Boss: No, these are even more secret than those.  
  
Mulder: What then?  
  
Boss: Your new assignment is something we call. the A-Files!  
  
Mulder: [gasp] You mean?  
  
Boss: Yes, the A-Files.  
  
Mulder: What are the A-Files, by the way.  
  
Boss: I don't really know, but I have a team lined up who are experts to help you.  
  
[Enter Scully]  
  
Scully: Mulder!  
  
Mulder: Scully! I knew you would stay my partner. Where's that guy Doggett, who was your partner when I was away?  
  
Scully: Mulder!  
  
Mulder: Interesting. Why is he trying to get onto the set of Terminator 3?  
  
Scully: Mulder!  
  
Boss: I haven't told him yet, Agent Mulder. Scully isn't your partner, Mulder. She's just here to say your name a lot, just like old times.  
  
Scully: Mulder!  
  
Mulder: Well, can't she stay around for a while? You do want to stay, don't you, Scully?  
  
Scully: Mulder!  
  
Boss: I'm sorry, she's auditioning to be on the next American Idol so she isn't typecast. Scully, show him how you can sing your favorite Barry Manilow song.  
  
Scully: Mulder! Mulder! Mulder! Mulder!  
  
Mulder: That's pretty good.  
  
Boss: Ok, enough about this. Off you go.  
  
[Exit Scully]  
  
Boss: Here is your new team for the A- Files.  
  
[Enter A-Files Team, Smith, BA, Murdock, Face-man]  
  
Mulder: How come they are wearing those clothes, and what's with that van?  
  
Smith: I love it when a plan comes together, ha! Give me a cigar.  
  
Mulder: Aren't you dead?  
  
BA: Quiet, fool, we're the new A - Files team. Sucka. I was in Rocky III, you know. Plus DC Cab, fool.  
  
Murdock: I am quite insane, you know.  
  
BA: You're a crazy fool. Drink milk!  
  
Boss: Ok. Now, there is a rotten agent inside this agency.  
  
Mulder: Wait, I haven't gotten over the fact that there's a man with about $250,000 worth of gold chains and rings standing over me. Plus he has weird hair.  
  
Boss: He's from the 80s, cut him some slack. Anyway, so this evil agent.  
  
Mulder: Cancer man?  
  
Boss: No.  
  
Mulder: Emphysema man?  
  
Boss: No  
  
Mulder: Herpes man?  
  
Boss: No.  
  
Mulder: Gout man?  
  
Boss: No.  
  
Mulder: Heart Disease man?  
  
Boss: No.  
  
Mulder: Gall Stones man?  
  
Boss: No.  
  
Mulder: Athlete's foot man?  
  
Boss: No.  
  
Mulder: Ok, who then.  
  
Boss: Halitosis man.  
  
Mulder: Oh right. Yeah, I hate him.  
  
Boss: You hate everybody. Anyway, you and the A-Files group here will siege his compound.  
  
Mulder: Ok, can we use extra-terrestrial technology we got from that crashed spaceship?  
  
Boss: No. However, with the group here you will be hurling these cabbages into the compound using a back-hoe and circus cannon we found on the back lot.  
  
Mulder: You know, the introduction of this other television show parody is confusing me. Can you ask them to leave?  
  
Face-man: Sure, we can leave, but before we go, I'd just like to say that the author of this little parody has the email address FunnyHatUS@yahoo.com, and his website is www.geocities.com/funnyhatus. Feel free to visit that site to read more, and write him an email when you have a moment. May I say that.  
  
Boss: No, I'm sorry but you may not.  
  
Face-man: Bummer.  
  
[Exit A-Files Team]  
  
Mulder: You know, the author of this piece is really giving his age away by showing that he knows the characters of the A-Team.  
  
Boss: Not necessarily, maybe he just watches on cable.  
  
Mulder: Who watches the A-Team on cable who isn't already a Gen Xer?  
  
Boss: I'm not really sure, but we're deviating too far from the original premise of the parody, which is that there is a villain and you are on a new mission.  
  
Mulder: Yes. Not to mention the fact that I haven't harangued you yet for hiding some conspiracy for at least 2 minutes.  
  
Boss: Good point. Would you care to?  
  
Mulder: Yes. You are covering up lies! I know what's going on!  
  
Boss: Thanks. That's it for now.  
  
Mulder: Will the next one of these be funnier than this one?  
  
Boss: I sure hope so. Otherwise we may as well be watching Mad TV.  
  
[END] 


End file.
